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So Bug did watch Breaking Dawn Part 2 a couple of days after watching the first one. There was wine drinking and much texting. Affiliations were declared, and Emmett suddenly gained a lot of potential.

If I didn’t mention this on the BD1 post, let me go ahead and say it now: this might not make a lot of sense if you haven’t seen this movie. We aren’t movie critics or reviewers, we’re just two women who were watching a movie, drinking some wine, and texting each other.

B: Dare I start bd2?

K: Are you that brave?

B: Fuck it

K: Fuck it, yeah? Or fuck it, hell naw!

B: Fuck it yeah, I just put it in.

K: Lol

B: Plus I want to return it before I get charged for another day

K: Yeah

B: Care to join me?

I has a wine this time

K: Yeah give me a minute, I’m having a jewelry issue.

The trouble with 10 earrings….

B: Judging from the disc menu, someone finally figured out Jasper’s hair looked like shit for 4 movies.

K: Don’t get your hopes up too high…

B: Man…

Man these opening credits are some real 1970’s acid trip shit. Like Willy Wonka boat ride shit.

WTF they’re standing in the window on a sunny day, no shiny?

K: Yeah I think they blew the shiny budget, had to scale it back.

B: Jesus I could not handle the sensory overload. My ADD gets the better of me enough as it is.

K: IKR!!

B: WTF mountain climbing

K: Yeah, I was like “um, not a good look there Bella..”

B: Jake you smelly ass get some oatmeal soap

CGI face kid is creepy.

K: Yeah, that was some weird looking shit.

B: I like jittery Jacob.

Oh snap Bella’s in ass-whoopin’ mode

K: Super powers activate!

She’s suddenly a Teen Titan or some shit

B: “Seth I’m sorry!”

Seth: yeah right bitch

K: Leah: ima fuck you up now biotch!

B: So not how I pictured the house

K: No not at all!

B: I figured it a lot more shabby chic

K: I figured a lot less clutter

B: That too

Man this is some risqué sheesh for a Mormon-produced movie.

K: Notice the sparkly orgasm?

B: Yup. Now we know where ELJ got all her descriptions…

I think Charlie just shat himself

K: “Jacob put your clothes back on.”
“NOO!!”

B: Haha human lessons

Charlie’s got his murder face on

Poor Charlie, I think he’s my fave in the whole series.

OMG I JUST REALIZED

When Emmett smiles, the pale makeup and thick eyebrows looks very Dr. Frank N Furter.

This was maybe not the moment when Bug pointed this out, but yeah, I'm gonna use this image.... Yeah...

This was maybe not the moment when Bug pointed this out, but yeah, I’m gonna use this image…. Yeah…

Someone get that boy a corset and heels!

Oh sparkly Bella!

K: Ok, still dying over the Frank N Furter bit…

B: Aro just got his “someone done fucked up” face on like I did when I got my car back

I dig Garrett.

K: Yeah he’s pretty rad. Even though he hates the Beatles

B: Meh, I was always a Stones/Zep girl myself

K: I’m not a Beatles fan, but you have to appreciate them.

B: True

Man Alistair is what my Ben would be like as a vampire. Solitary, hiding in caves/attics

Oh I like the Romanian vamps! Nothing like a good anarchist

K: I know!!

And they’re the only ones who look/act like actual “vamps”

B: Oh I really like these guys.

DOOD

Stop me if I ramble

I had to pause

K: Ramble on..

B: The Cullens and Co just realized Aro’s game is power and acquisition. What if Christian Grey is a shitty amalgamation of Edward (the sexy) and Aro (has to make him different but power is sexy)

Aro is willing to cast aside the rest of a coven (aka old subs) if he gets to keep the toy he wants

K: In Aro’s case, power (imo) ceases to be sexy and just becomes fucking creepy.

But that’s how I feel about Grey too, so..

B: Well yes which is why Christian Grey is such a creepy fucker!

He doesn’t know how to temper his nature with compassion.

The thing that started this whole thought train was the one vamp said “power and acquisition” and I was like OH SHIT

K: OMG YEAH!!!!!

Later on Aro has a moment, that now makes so much more sense in that context.

You’ll certainly notice it..

B: Man ELJ really has ruined everything. I can’t even snark on these movies properly.

K: Right!! I used to just watch these, and I enjoy them but they are the kind of movies that I can also laugh at, and laugh at myself for watching.

B: The leader of the Middle Eastern vamps is so Tony Stark looking. I keep doing double takes thinking he’s RDJ.

K: Sadly, he’s not.

B: What is Alec’s power again? Sensory deprivation?

K: Yeah.

B: I think Bella just gave herself an aneurysm.

BellaDerp

K: “Dude, you’re not motivating her!”

B: EMMETT IS FRANK N FURTER

K: Totally!!

I actually kinda like this force field projection thing

B: Ed: HONEY I NEED YOU TO GET IT TOGETHER, THIS SHIT HURTS

K: “Uh uh, I’m good”

Alistair all hanging out on that branch like a fuckin bat too..

B: He’s just different man, you wouldn’t understand…

Besides he’s just working on his bat transformation/flying skilz

K: Damn, braid that child’s hair or something.

And here Edward is being a guy…

B: Damn dude I ain’t said yes yet!

K: That was a total generalization, but the one time Ben watched it even he said something, so..

B: Well, he does act like several teen boys I knew.

K: If she’s a vamp, shouldn’t her freckles not be showing..?

B: Damn dude you a dad now, wear a damn belt

K: I mean, she has more color now than she ever did.

B: Well apparently they blew the makeup budget, otherwise Emmett would have his blue eyeshadow.

K: OMG YES!!

Oh this is so funny!!

JacobCreeper

B: I CAN SEE SOUNDS

K: YES!!

B: Wait, we’re missing a ghetto

K: Yeah, but this way makes more sense I think..

B: I suppose it works for the movie

I like a bourbon drinking man

K: I love her eye progression in the movie

I think they did really well with the subtle fading over time from red to orangish to golden

B: Yo Alistair what up?

K: Right! Creeper vamp..

Okay, does the “Charlie suddenly dating Sue less than a year after Harry died” thing creep you out at all?

B: Ok I dig Charlie even more now. Bachelor Christmas décor FTW

Yes

K: I mean, Harry died at spring break, right? So this is like 9 months later. Damn Sue.

B: I mean some people do move on fast…

K: Yeah, but dayum girl

So how does fire fingers not hurt Benjamin if all vamps are highly combustible?

Oh, these guys again!!

B: War stories!

K: Whoo!!

B: So, the petrifaction thing. I’ve only ever seen that in vampire lore in Queen of the Damned.

I mean, I suppose that’s part of it, I just never saw it mentioned anywhere else

K: I’ve heard it in a few diff stories, if they stop moving they start to petrify slowlyz

Random z…

B: Eh, you can be old and still be down with the streetz, yo

Seriously, I love the Romanians

K: Yeah, me too!

Edward looks so wonky here

Like he’s trying to pick something out of his teeth with his tongue

B: Carlisle’s hair looks semi ok. But it’s dark.

K: Ya

This little girl might be the best actor here..

B: SHIT’S GOING DOWN SON

K: Garrett’s kinda sexy

B: Ok Garrett is my #3 after the Romanians

Holy fuck that’s a lot of Volturi

K: #TeamFelix

Even though he kills ppl. Just doing his job, yo

That’s right bitch, you fucked up.

ggggrrrrrrrrrr

B: Man sometimes your job sucks.

K: Battalion my ass, you brought an army!

B: Fuck I know right?

K: Artifice!!

God that was perfect

B: Yeah I know. There is some serious overacting in this movie.

K: Yeah, but it fit the book, at least how I read it.

B: This is true.

K: Notice Kachiri never shows up. They just completely cut her out. Pisses me off..

B: I don’t remember that one.

K: The third Amazonian

B: Oh yeah.

K: Emmett = fuck.. okay, fine.

That’s it! {Aro’s weird creepy moment}

“Young Bellllllll-ahhhhh!”

B: Dafuq was that sound, Aro?

K: And that laugh. Dafuq dood?

Irina’s like, ah shit, I’m screwed.

B: Yeah, she’s boned.

K: I love how they just look at Jake there like, what fool?

B: Also, it just hit me. I was like, Tanya Irina ???, Tanya Irina ???, Tanya Irina KATE OMG

K: FLAIL!!!

No Felix don’t do it!

Damn 😦

Okay, I hate the “pain” thing {saying the word out loud}

Jane does not say that in the books.

B: OH SO IT’S LIKE THAT

K: POW! Ninja kick!

B: OH SHIT IT’S ON SON

K: CARLISLE MAD!

CARLISLE …dead?!

B: Lots of HULK SMASH going on

K:

TheyKilledCarlisle

Yup, still love Jasper. Garrett’s up there.

B: BWAHAHAHA

Jasper’s hair kills it for me.

K: Bout to see some Emmett love…

B: Seriously for real Emmett get you some black high heels and meet me in 5

K: Body slam!

Alice mad!

B: So who is this dude that looks like Laurent?

K: Santiago?

No Seth!!!!!

B: OH SHIT A WOLF GOT KILLED, OGLETHORPE IS PISSED

K: Dammit Felix.

I cried in the theaters when Seth died.

I cussed a lot here too

B: Well that’s because he’s the every little bro

Oh snap Wilhelm Scream

K: The “ahhh” scream!!

B: Leah!

K: The boots that went flying! You see that?!

When Sam attacked one.

B: Yeah

K: Awesome

B: Alice/Jane is happening

K: Bitch yo ass is MINE!!!

B: Hehe werewolf flicks tongue

Srsly foreal Garrett.

K: I love Aro’s face!

B: Caius is just all meh

K: Yea all talk no fight

These guys!!!

Lol Marcus.

The flying/flailing Bella? That would so be me in a vamp fight….

B: IM A SPIDER MONKEY BEEYOTCHES

K: Heheh fire!

B: Caius is so disappointed. Or was he?

K: So much cussing in the theaters. So much.

He almost has ass hanging out.

B: I can dig it.

K: Nice legs..

That one eyebrow of Caius…

B: So, about that whole “male hybrids are venomous, females aren’t” bit?

K: “Today..”

B: That’s pretty important…

K: Yeah and they kinda left it out and I’m like “rawr!!”

Poor Kate and Tanya 😦

B: I know. Poor Romanians, they didn’t get a fight

K: Yup

Awkward…

B: Yeah IKR?

K: Outfit fail, Bella

Wait, I thought Alice couldn’t see them?!?!?

B: That.

K: o.* eye twitching

B: Also, do the wolves not age? Because I thought they still aged, just slower.

K: No, as long as they keep up the change, they stop aging.

B: Ahh.

K: I’ll be honest, I like this song. Both versions.

B: Man she has shitty nails for eternity.

K: Right!

Love the page thing

B: Weren’t the Irish coven more important in the book?

K: Yeah a little

And now the awesomest credits ever!!!

B: I do like this. It brings up everyone.

K: Yup. And everyone.

Even both Victorias

Felix!!

B: Yeah!

Okay. Officially. I’m #TeamGarrett

And my secondary affiliation is #TeamAlistair

K: Fuck. #TeamGarrett #TeamFelix #TeamJasper #TeamEmmett #TeamAlistair #TeamRomanians #TeamSTFUGreenDay

B: And tertiary is #TeamEmmettAsFrankNFurter

K: LOL!!

B: OK I TOTALLY REVISE, #TEAMSTFUGREENDAY ALL THE WAY

K: Right, I’m turning this off now. Can’t take Billy Joe…

So the snow scene:

They were originally gonna film in nature, but logistically it was too much involved for an open set.

B: Right. Wires and shit.

K: Meanwhile a lot of actors had made sure they had super warm costumes anticipating a snow scene.

But production decides to build set using green screens and fake snow and all that. They find a big abandoned industrial building that would fit the bill.

In the middle of summer

In Louisiana

And all those poor Volturi are in giant black cloaks.

B: I was wondering where the “Louisiana Unit” from the credits came in. I was like, there was all of 45 seconds shot in New Orleans!

K: Oh no, the fight sequence was all in La.

B: Oh good God.

K: It’s a wonder you didn’t see them sweating on camera.

B: It’s a wonder they didn’t die of heat stroke.

K: Giant domed metal building in the heat of a Bayou summer? Fuck that noise.

B: Fuck I know right?

K: In all those clothes too. Psshhhhhhh

B: As someone who has lived in both South Alabama and Southern California, humidity is a big fucking deal

K: Ikr! People have come here talking “I can take the heat” and then have to get hospitalized.

B: Dude. The shade works out there. Like 15 degree differential.

K: Shade here is like “lol, just kidding”

B: Not like here where it’s 105 in the sun and LOL NOT COOL IN THE SHADE BECAUSE STEAM HOW DOES IT WORK

So that’s pretty much it. We went on to text about a variety of things, including how neither of us will ever actually move out of Alabama for good because even though the summers are sweltering, we’re both like “lol, snow, yeah never mind, staying in the south!”

snowflake

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