Tuesday Thoughts (is that a thing? is it even Tuesday?)

I’ve been trying to work on several projects lately, but my brain is doing that back and forth thing where I’m really excited to work on something, but then part-ways through I feel like garbage, and I think it’s garbage, so I set it down and don’t get anything done. But here lately I’ve been have more and more flashes of where I feel like myself.

I’m not sure I can explain that very well, but I will try. (Keep in mind, the following is based on my personal experiences; these are not blanket statements.)

Anti-depressants have their good and bad aspects. The good largely being that I can keep myself together without spiraling into deep depression, feeling like I am losing my mind, or having terrible fits of anxiety.

The baddest bad being that they keep me from feeling like myself. I’m sure I’ve talked about that before, but it’s this weird thing that keeps happening, and it lasts. It’s the functional zombie effect. Even now, months after I stopped taking prozac, I’m still coming back to myself.

And as I come back to myself, yes, I might spend the better part of two hours quietly crying while I watch Hacksaw Ridge. (Or Home, or an AT&T missing dog commercial for that matter…) And I might get easily irritated, and sad sometimes, and angry. But I also get happy, I get genuinely excited about things, ecstatic even. Joyful.

Yeah, I get a bit manic sometimes, and I know I’m weird. I don’t always think the same way about things as other people, or about the same things at all.

When I first started this blog, I chose the name “Slightly Less Than Insane” because that’s generally how I felt. How I feel. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just who and how I am. And I’m okay with that.

 

In other news, this song is awesome and I’ve had it on repeat all day: Michael Kiwanuka – Cold Little Heart

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