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The Big-Ass BDSM Disclaimer

The big-ass BDSM disclaimer that nobody bothers to read: THIS PART IS IMPORTANT!!!

When Bug or I (or many of the people who comment on this blog) talk about abuse, domestic abuse, or domestic violence in regards to Fifty Shades of Grey, WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE BDSM ASPECTS. We have repeated this ad nauseum, yet still hear the “you just don’t understand BDSM” arguments.

We aren’t talking about that.

We are talking about Christian’s manipulation of Ana (emotional, mental, psychological, etc… examples are the “I’m fucked up, and you are the only one who can fix me” spiel), the way Christian assumes 24/7 control and overrides Ana’s choices and decisions (even though Ana agrees to being his sub ONLY on the weekends; this control continues even after Christian declares that they will have a “normal” relationship), Christian’s use of alcohol to coerce Ana’s consent, Christian’s habit of stalking Ana even when she asks him for personal space, the fact that Christian isolates Ana away from her friends, the way he punishes her (be it the initial spanking that she was arguably not okay with, or the honeymoon bruising to make her too ashamed to sunbathe, which she was clearly not okay with), and so many other things wrong with his treatment of her…

Also this really important fact: SHE IS TERRIFIED OF HIM AND HIS REACTIONS, AND CENSORS HER OWN WORDS AND ACTIONS BECAUSE SHE IS SCARED SHITLESS OF WHAT HE WILL DO TO HER IF SHE ACCIDENTALLY MAKES HIM ANGRY. (For example: in the third book she goes out for a drink with a friend instead of coming straight home like he wanted, and he tells her “I want to beat the shit out of you” for it.) And if your argument is “you don’t know that she’s actually scared of him,” well stop right there, because in the text, in her incessant inner monologue, she says as much, many, many times.

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3 thoughts on “The Big-Ass BDSM Disclaimer”

  1. Hello friend!

    Agree with all of the above. The thing I find scariest about Christian might seem minor to other people, but here it is: RIGHT FROM DAY ONE, he overrides her wishes. She says the sky is blue, he says it’s purple just because he’s rich and he can. Now, if this is their relationship dynamic and they’ve agreed on it, fine.

    BUT. This happens right from the off, with no input from her. She could be a rubber sex doll for all the autonomy Christian “allows” her.

    It’s the fact he does this immediately, as soon as they meet, that I find so offensive. And she thinks he loves her? She could be anyone. Her face, her figure, her brain (ha!), her opinions, they all mean Jack shit in the face of Christian’s steamroller approach to relationships.

    I’m mystified as to why any sane woman would be attracted to that kind of man, and therein lies the rub: no SANE woman would be.

    Scarlett

    • Let’s be honest though, I’m not wholly sane, and I don’t find him attractive at all. To be completely honest, I find him fairly repulsive, and I think he needs to go back to the Axe Body-spray commercial set he wandered away from.

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